The Fourth Trimester

WHAT IT IS

The fourth trimester describes the three months after giving birth to your baby. This special time is full of healing, bonding, adapting, growing, sleeping, sharing, and caring for your new baby as the new family you have become. Whether you have already had one baby, have many littles, or he/she is your first, this newest addition has transformed the family that was into the family that now is. 

MY EXPERIENCE

As a pregnant mother, I was determined to be as knowledgeable as possible about the birth process and my rights as a birthing mother. I read many books, talked to many people, and eventually hired a doula. She was educated, kind, warm, and loving. I hope she will be able to attend the births of all of my babies, and I recommend a doula and/or midwife to all pregnant women. In our meetings leading up to the birth of my son, she was happy to provide information on how to prepare for birth, assist in developing my birth plan, describe what it might look like- how it might be similar or totally different from what we want, and how my husband would be able to support me in this novel and transformative experience. She prepared us for things like what would happen if our baby needed to go to the NICU, what our rights were regarding medical decisions that we might have to make, and how Eric could advocate for me when things got close. As we approached my due date, she shifted gears, and began preparing us for what life would be like after including newborn baby care, tips for how to be comfortable while healing, and more. One book she recommended, The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson, became a powerful catalyst in our planning for postpartum. This is a book Eric and I listened to together, and that I read cover to cover again in the midst of my fourth trimester as well. In listening to this book together with Eric, we were able to make our healing and recovery plan together, as a united couple. Involving Eric in this way, sharing the books I was reading and including him in decision making, allowed him insights into the experiences of new mothers that he may not have had otherwise. Eric was critical to my recovery, and he more than rose to the occasion armored with tools from the doula and from the books and conversations we had while still pregnant. Without his support, I would have suffered emotionally, mentally, and physically as I navigated the pain from tears, discomfort (re: pain) as my breasts adjusted to nursing a cluster feeding baby (and the many other challenges associated with nursing), emotional distress that came with baby blues, severe anxiety every night as darkness approached, and the unpredictability of emotional mood swings that often left me confused at my feelings and stunned at the depth in which I was affected.

 

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SO, HERE ARE WAYS THAT WE PREPARED TOGETHER

1. IN-HOME SUPPORT. My mother stayed with us for two weeks after the birth of our son. She helped us with all of our daily activities including cleaning, laundry, cooking nutritious meals, and caring for our pets. She was able to hold the baby for us when I wanted to take a nap (though I still had to be in the same room with him or I could not sleep). She was also able to provide a warm, motherly energy of emotional support for me as I learned how to mother my own.
2. ACCEPT HELP FROM FRIENDS. We had friends offer help, and every time we said “YES PLEASE” and asked them for a nutritious meal and snacks. We did not formally have a meal train, as my mother stayed with us for two weeks and was cooking for us every day. However, I asked people to cook for us after she was gone back to Texas as a way to continue receiving fresh, nutritious food without placing the burden of cooking on Eric or myself.
3. MAKE FREEZER MEALS. While still pregnant, we bought and filled a deep freezer with homemade meals that we loved and that would facilitate my healing postpartum. We knew our friends would not be cooking for us every day, and we knew my mom would only be with us for two weeks. I still needed Eric emotionally, mentally, and physically for many weeks and months after, and I did not want his time to be filled with preparing food that could easily be heated up instead. I used these containers… even casseroles I just split up into 3-4 containers, so we could grab manageable servings at one time.
4. LISTEN TO THE 4TH TRIMESTER WITH YOUR PARTNER. Eric and I listened to The Fourth Trimester together and made an action plan for how we were going to cope as a couple. As first parents, we truly did not know what to expect no matter how much reading and talking I did. We wanted to be on the same page, and this helped to honor my introduction into motherhood together. A summary of our action plan (purposefully without details, as it would fill this page alone) included: creating space for each other in our partnership to feel what we needed to feel while we all adapted, physical touch every day to maintain closeness, laying together closely at night, Eric rising with me in the night to offer support with breast feeding as well as changing diapers and clothes as needed, open listening to each other, and nightly conversation check-ins to see how we were each doing. All feelings are valid.
5. MAKE A BATHROOM BASKET. I created a self-care bathroom basket with must-haves for postpartum healing that included: disposable underwear (THE BEST!), Seventh Generation chlorine-free pads, numbing spray, Tucks Wipes, Frida Mom Upside Down Peri Bottle, Perineal Ice Maxi Pads, and Earth Mama organic herbal sitz bath.
6. ACQUIRE MOTHER COMFORT ITEMS. I acquired other items that would be needed for my comfort and healing including: perineal ice packs, Soothies breast gel pads (These are cold pads for your nipples, they gave me SO MUCH relief. More relief than anything else I did in those early days of blistered nipples), Earth Mama organic nipple cream, easy to grab healthy snacks, healing hot teas, loose and stretchy comfort clothes, hands-free pumping bra, nursing bras, organic breast pads, and a journal. 
7. FIND YOUR SUPPORT GROUP. Put together your support team and connect with them before your birth. My support team was first and foremost Eric followed by family members, my doula, my best friends, a breast feeding support group, a lactation consultant, my doctor and her medical assistant, and our friend who was a cloth diapering expert that we could ask for help if there was any difficulties. And, simply, other moms who I felt comfortable sharing the intimacies of my experience with. Do this before the birth. When it’s 8 pm and you need a lactation consultant, have one on speed dial. Your partner should be familiar with this list and comfortable contacting these people for you as well. Your support group is your partner’s support group.
8. HIRE A DOULA AND/OR MIDWIFE. Hire a doula or midwife and meet with them before your birth, more than once if you can. Discuss your birth plan, what to expect with possible medical interventions, and the postpartum period. This person will be YOUR advocate, YOUR partner’s support, YOUR go-to person for the best possible outcomes of your birth. This person is there for YOU.
9. HIRE A LACTATION CONSULTANT (LC). Most hospitals will offer these services while you are in the hospital. I found a private LC before giving birth who I connected with and felt seen and heard by. While I utilized both the hospital and the private LCs postpartum, I found that the private LC was far more helpful and responsive with late night calls and pleas for help. This is only my experience. 
10. FIND A LOCAL BREASTFEEDING SUPPORT GROUP. I had to drive 1 hour and 15 minutes with my new baby alone, but I was so happy I did. It worked wonders for me mentally and emotionally to be in the presence of other nursing mothers, to hear their struggles, to see their precious little babies, and to feel supported and encouraged by breastfeeding professionals. If you do not have a local group, find one online! La Leche Leagues is a wonderful resource. They have Facebook groups for most areas, and I read their book, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, cover to cover while pregnant and referenced it many times for trouble shooting while learning to breast feed and even now. 
11. FIND A PELVIC FLOOR PHYSICAL THERAPIST. Plan to ask for a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist at your six week follow up visit. Find a local pelvic floor specialist. See my article on the importance of what this discipline can do for you and your body postpartum.

NEXT TIME

We will repeat all of the ways that we prepared for our first baby as described above. 

AND

We will hire a house cleaner if family is unable to stay or for when family leaves and is no longer available for helping for the first few months and longer if able.

TO SUMMARIZE

Remember, your birthing experience is unique and beautiful. All that you endure, feel, and believe is what makes you special and individual. No one can know your birth and fourth trimester experience the way that you do, and not everyone is deserving of hearing your experience in your own words. Share this beautiful time with those who will support and validate you, who will hold you close and love you, who will help you and your partner learn to become parents in this fragile time regardless of how messy and emotional it may be. Spend your time intentionally preparing for the fourth trimester in a way that will nourish and facilitate your recovery so that you will be as comfortable and content as possible while learning the new baby that has just joined your family.

If you are expecting a new little love, I heartily encourage and hope that you make an action plan for yourself, with your partner, for healing and recovery.

BOOKS I ENJOYED WHILE PREGNANT

1. What to Expect When Expecting
2. Skinny Bitch- Bun in the Oven- Rory Freedman/Kim Barnouin
3. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding- La Leche League
4. The Fourth Trimester- Kimberly Ann Johnson
5. Cribsheet- Emily Oster
6. Expecting Better- Emily Oster
7. Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding- Ina May Gaskin
8. Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth- Ina May Gaskin

I’m curious, if you have children, what are some ways that you prepared for the fourth trimester? If you are pregnant, what are some ways that you are preparing?

I am happy to help in any way that I can, please contact me with questions! And, please, share this post with new or expecting mothers!

Check out my post on Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy and the importance of healing safely and intentionally